brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
