omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
