so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize