There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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