I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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