jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
