Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
