Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
