Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
