This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
