hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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