the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
