I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
