I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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