Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
