Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize