We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
