You're so nebulous sometimes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize