I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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