All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
