hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
