i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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