Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish my penis had an off switch
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize