Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
