I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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