you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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