i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize