It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So here I am, sexting at work.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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