just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
