Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
