Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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