Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
