dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
