Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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