he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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