He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
