alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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