The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
