FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
