i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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