Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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