You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
