I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
