it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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