I'm gonna have a badass scar
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize