You're my little dorito
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you will always have a special place in my vag
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
