I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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