how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
