Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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