once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
