Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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