mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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