All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
