Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize