My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
