My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize