just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
