he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
