some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So vagazzling was a success
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
