WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Randomize
