Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
