I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
