chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
