Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
