More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i came on her dog
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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