So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You don't make any sense
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