Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
