1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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