Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
MIDGETS
????
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize