He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
