I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
