I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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