You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
