Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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