So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
worst night to have a conscience
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
