At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
