You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
