My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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