I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I look better un-naked...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
this just has baby written all over it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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