what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
