only if we run a train.
done.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
