What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
