the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
