The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
