if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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