At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize