I wish I could punch you in the face.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
