I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
