No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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