Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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