a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
